Oui, mais … (Yes, but… ) is a French movie written and produced by Yves Lavandier. The title is the name of a psychological game (a concept used in Transactional Analysis) and the game is called “Yes, but… ”.
A 17 years old teenager called Eglantine asks for therapy with a skilled and funny psychotherapist when she has the first conflict in her relationship with a boy that she likes.
In the beginning, the reason for seeking the therapist’s help is to be able to help her mother whom she feels responsible of. Her mother is an overprotective person and sometimes she has one too many drinks. The young girl feels responsible for her mother’s wellbeing, she cannot leave her alone in the house when she wants to see her boyfriend.
Obviously, nobody can help her mother when the mother doesn’t want to be helped. Therefore, the new objective in Eglantine’s psychotherapy becomes being able to go on her dates even when her mother is not feeling well and takes refuge in alcohol.
As a consequence of her psychotherapeutic process, the young girl manages to get out of the games she was playing with her parents.
This is an interesting and funny movie about the maturation process of a teenager.
In the beginning of the movie, the psychotherapist invites us to follow his story:
„Oh ! You’re here, finally ! I was just about to start talking to myself . Am I so hard to be found ? Come in, this way ! My name is Erwan Moenner. Please, follow me !
Mind your steps, there are some stairs. Here you are ! This is my private practice. Many people come here to tell what troubles them and to learn how to be themselves. Other times, they come to take off their burden. Every time I can see people striving to take one more step forward, to live a better life… In my profession, there are three things I find the most interesting: first of all, to help people overcome their difficulties. Seeing people going from sadness to happiness is a true pleasure. Another thing that intrigues me is the way people manage to get themselves stuck in relationships that make them suffer. On the other hand, a therapy is like a play by Shakespeare. You get crises, you get euphoria… Every time it seems to me I am reading a novel or I am watching a play or a movie. Well, today I am going to show you too what it is all about in my profession. I am going to tell about the becoming of a person.”
Here is what psychotherapist Erwan Moenner says about psychological games:
„Fights always start the same way and end the same way. In my profession, we call this a game. You have probably noticed that Denise Laville, Englantine’s mother, likes to play a lot. For instance, when she plays bridge with Mireille, she is actually playing two games.
One is the bridge game, of course, but the other one is a power game where she is trying to discourage Mireille as much as possible. The latter is an unconscious game.
Because she plays it, Denise resembles us all because we all like to play this game. And this doesn’t happen only when we play society games. This game is played in most of the couples and families.
Mr. and Mrs. Lenoir, for instance:
– Who the hell took my tooth brush ?
– Who the hell do you think needs it ?
As a matter of fact, his delicate exchange of words was a game. Of course, the two ones are not having fun playing it, but this is how they smooth the tensions among them.
This game has very clear rules. Sometimes we play it while being perfectly conscious of it. Sometimes we don’t. The difference between a dirty game and a psychological one is that the latter make the players feel tired and suffer. There are plenty of psychological games, but each of us prefers one or two.
For instance, Mr. Chanteaux:
– You are so lucky you can go to the cinema.
– That’s because I, with Adelaide…
– Haven’t you found a nanny yet ?
– You can’t find a good nanny just like that.
– Actually, if you want, I know one.
– Thanks, but they are too expensive anyway.
– Why don’t you let her stay with your parents ?
– That could be an idea, but I don’t think they would take good care of her.
– They only have to take care of her while she sleeps, you could have them over you place, for instance.
– Yes, but…
– But I don’t think they would like that.
– Why don’t you just ask them ?
– I already know what they would answer me.
– Anyway, if you don’t want to see the movie…
– I already told you it wasn’t that simple.
Mr. Chanteaux comes with a problem, he claims he wants a solution, but when solutions are suggested, he rejects them one by one.
In psychology, these games have names.
“Yes, but… I don’t think they would like that.”
“Yes, but… it’s not easy… “
“Yes, but… you are forgetting… “
“Yes, I would like that, but I am not sure of… “
“YES, BUT…” is one of the games to be most encountered on our planet.